Happy Anniversary??

Wow! Five years ago today was my brain surgery. Not sure if that means Happy Anniversary or Happy Birthday. :) It could be a birthday since my brain was repaired and given new life. Anniversary seems more fitting, because I could say I'm married to this new brain. Whether I like it or not,it's attached to my head! This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "for better or for worse"! :) One thing can be said, I will never regret having the surgery done.

I remember more about the day than I thought I would. I was awake for most of the surgery. The worst was the drilling that went on for hours. It was a headache in the making. :) My favorite part of the surgery was when they caused me to have a focal motor seizure. As a Neurodiagnostic Tech by trade, I found this absolutely fascinating. My seizures were always more sensory, and so having a focal motor sz in my face was quite an educational experience. (Sorry, I'm a little sick.) :)

My family would be able to recall more things about the day. Of course, they have a different opinion on how it went. It was an emotional day for all of them. I realized years later how hard it was for some of them. That day was the first time most of my family had been in a hospital ICU unit since dad had passed away 3 months before. I realized that no amount of preparing them for what they would see when I came out of surgery would be enough. I love my family and friends for walking through it with me. I will be forever grateful.

How have the last five years been? A journey. No other word to describe it. I stand in awe to this day that I haven't had any major seizures. An amazing miracle! :) Yet, I'm recognizing that my decision to have the surgery would come with many consequences. Some of those consequences I would never had been prepared for. I never understood what my traumatic brain injury patients go through, until I walked in their shoes. What an eye-opening journey it has been.

This is what you call a new but very permanent relationship. It has been a fast five years so I still consider it "new", especially when it doesn't "behave" the way I want. :) It's my new brain no matter if I like it or not. I'm learning to make the best of it, and to cheer all the victories along the way.

Some Joys from the last five years....

Some time ago I started to make a list of the positive side to having memory problems. I'm finally starting to realize that it is not going to go away and reality tells me it will only get worse the older I get. Having said that, I might as well start making the best of what little memory I still have! So I'm posting this in honor of the upcoming anniversary of my brain surgery on June 28, 2004. What a wild ride it has been!

The Joys of having a Bad Memory

May 2009 (Left partial temporal lobectomy- June 2004)

You can read the same book multiple times and never remember it.

You could potentially save a lot of money, because you don’t recognize clothes from your closet.

It seems that you remember things at exactly the moment you need to remember them……well, then again, sometimes not.

People can tell you confidential things because you will forget it soon anyway.

You can’t hold a grudge no matter how hard you try.

You can watch a movie multiple times for the first time!

It’s kind of amusing to watch the funny looks you get when repeating under your breath the alphabet in an effort to recall a person’s name.

At least I really do have a GOOD excuse for my bad memory!

I’m “fun” to play a new card game with because you have to keep repeating the rules to me over and over again all night. By the next day, I have forgotten what game we played.

You can go into a new adventure in life with no prejudices, because you have already forgotten those things that would have falsely or negatively influenced you.

You can listen to a person tell you the same story on multiple occasions and it doesn’t bother you.

Déjà vu soon becomes second nature to you.

You can reserve the right to keep this list open for further additions, because you can always use the excuse that you forgot to add just one last one...........

Quote

A recent comment I heard that is worthy of passing along:

"It is an act of worship to God to commit to taking care of your body"
-Audli Yeakel

Relief

Well, I found out this last week that I am into the Psych program. :) Though I haven't received "the letter", my adviser met with me and told me. Happy Days! This is much relief. If they had not approved my appeal, I would have had to find another major. So now the good news is that I will be graduating really soon.....2017! :) ha Long way off, but certainly manageable.

As long as I try not to compare myself to the average student, I'm fine. When I count up the number of classes I actually have left is when I get into trouble. I don't have that many classes to go, but taking them one class a semester is what extends it. I think about how fast I could be done, if I was a "normal" student. THEN, is when my mind starts to wander to "what it used to be like..."

Why does the grass always look greener on the other side? Why do I want my old brain back sometimes, when really I like my new, repaired brain so much better? In life, when you compare the old to the new, the old seems much more inviting. But in reality, when you examine the grass on that other side - it has just as many weeds. You just can't see them from a distance.

Reality Check

School was frustrating yesterday. Since going back to school, this is the first class that has had group projects. Oh, what a joy. It is really stretching my repaired brain. It is starting to make me question if i made the right decision to go back to school.

These kids (as I call them since I'm twice their age!) have amazing retention and retrieval abilities. They have the ability to process information at outstanding speeds. Though they don't realize it, they are doing circles around me.

Before in other classes, I can take my time with the information once I am outside of the classroom. Group projects completed during class are a completely different story. It is storing new information, processing it, and then retrieving it back out -all in a matter of minutes. This in combination with the fact that you have much outward stimulation from others talking, sharing ideas, etc. Brain overload!!!

I'm just praying right now that I survive the rest of the semester. Though I must admit this is good exercise for my repaired brain, it is frustrating nonetheless. Yet another way I must admit that my old brain is gone, and I need to work with the new one that I have. It is times like this that I try to recall why I decided to go back to school.